Boundaries.

Boundaries hold things in, keep things out, & can give size, shape, & purpose to something. You can also tell a lot about someone by the boundaries they make ... and keep (or not).

Bear with me on this, Reader.

Holding true to personal boundaries is probably the most difficult change for me to make. Honestly it's a daily discipline and it's still hard.

After leaving work and when I started to come through the confusion and frustration of "The Loop", I realized that in order to realize some of the changes I wanted for my life, I needed to make a couple of changes. (If you don't know what "The Loop" is let me know and I'll fill you in.)

Personal

One of the biggest changes I needed to make was to start saying what I mean - quit following along to keep the peace - and meaning what I say - stand firm when someone discounts your preference. Damn. This is so very difficult. It's not so much the standing firm... but remain standing firm when you the get blow-back. Dayuum!

Time

Another boundary I find helpful is the time boundary. (You fellow procrastinators will understand) My time in Charleston is coming to an end. I've got barely 4 weeks left and frankly, I haven't seen nearly as much of this area as I would have liked. June 15, 2023 I moved in and April 18, 2024 I will be driving away.

Because I only have a few weeks left, I've promised myself I will do at least 1 fun thing each week - and I've actually been doing it. Last week I visited a lovely urban farm. I posted about it on Facebook here.

This weekend, probably Sunday, I'm going to walk across the Ravenel Bridge. The following weekend is a short, 1-night visit to Savannah, GA. Any tips? What should I not miss?

Nothing like a time boundary to get you moving.

Life Container

Another boundary, of sorts, is the container of our life - our identity and how we go about life day-to-day. (Not your physical body container)

When you leave your career behind, a huge part of your identity is gone, your days lose structure and meaning. Think about a wine glass that holds a full, 9 oz of luscious, Bordeaux (your divine self). When its fundamental identity and structure suddenly go away, the glass as a container would cease to be.

Can you imagine yourself as the 9oz of luscious Bordeaux? You'd be instinctively flailing about, searching frantically for boundaries to keep you from splatting all over the kitchen floor - something to give you form and relevance.

This may be a silly analogy, but seriously, that is the way it can feel when you retire - like you've lost your container and there's nothing for you to grasp onto that gives you stability and meaning.

Boundaries Are Good

...because they:

• Help you stay true to yourself, your priorities, and your values
• Create a clear due-date by which you either will do - or not do something. A conscious decision.
• Represent you to the world, what you stand for and how you live. It's your structure.

After 66 years, I finally understand this fully and am doing the work. As uncomfortable as it is sometime, I am conscious to say what I mean, mean what I say, and to always make a decision - because no decision is making yourself a victim. I'm creating my new container, on purpose. I'm going to master my next chapter.

Thanks for reading. Holding boundaries can be really challenging. Take it from someone who knows. Call me if you want support or help in creating your new container.

xo

Lynnelle "Holding Boundaries" Wilson

PS - I've said it before, I'll say it again... Block out May 22, 23, & 24 for Don't Retire! ReWIRE, BOLD-Women's Circle where we'll dig into boundaries, holding them, managing the consequences, among other things you encounter with mastering your next chapter. Stay tuned.